What We Learned From Holland vs Japan (1-0)


That Engerland World Cup Hangover Keeps On A-Coming

Offside Trap Magnet Jermaine Defoe attempted to keep up spirits in the Engerland camp by saying, “At the end of the day we’re still a great side”. Now we can quietly forget the delusions of grandeur that accompany the word ‘great’. After all these are players who are pampered beyond belief and, like despoiled little children whose every spastic action is delivered to the lying praise of their deluded parents, seemingly believe every word their sycophantic agents, managers, entourages and klingons shower upon them. What we cannot stomach for even a second is the use of the word ‘still’. This implies that at some point in the past this team has, in fact, been great when all the historical evidence reinforces the conclusion that they have been at best mediocre, at worst abysmal. This is a team that has merely mastered qualification, rather than any kind of effective tournament football. Admittedly that’s more than teams like Russia, Scotland, Wales and Luxembourg have, but it doesn’t bestow greatness on a team. In fact, the sooner the Engerland team appreciate that they’re not a great team by any means, the sooner they will work up the mental strength to take on teams like Algeria and actually give them a game. Because you suspect the problem with last night was that the entire team believed not that they could beat Algeria, but that they should beat Algeria. They believed that it would be easy and that they wouldn’t have to try that hard. And when it proved to be a challenging task, they proved once again, that they are not capable of raising their game in any way whatsoever. Hey boys, it’s the World Cup, it’s what you’ve dreamed of all your life – you can’t cower in your bunker and pretend you’re not here – you have to enjoy it.

The Dutch On The Other Hand

Seem to be playing a fairly canny game. They, like everyone else, are finding it hard to overcome the Mourinho defences their opponents put up, but you sense that they have the confidence to overcome it. So much so that I suspect that they are keeping their real powder dry. For the whole first half they tried their best to work the ball through the two banks of four the Japanese had put in front of them. In fact by the end of the first half, it looked like the Japanese had found the better opportunities, with their strikers finding space immediately in front of the Dutch defence and having a number of shots on goal. But the Dutch emerged in the second half playing slightly faster and eventually got the goal they deserved – and a nice stinging shot that bent enough to disturb the keeper it was. Once they’d scored, the Japanese had to expand their game and that opened up more opportunity for the Dutch.  So much so that they didn’t have to really activate Option 2, which is the wingplay of Elia and Affelay, who bring more balls into the box and actually provide more balance in the midfield as the Dutch are able to pull Van de Vaart out, which gives Wesley Sneijder full control there.

Meanwhile The Japanese

Played a decent game, were unlucky to go behind and made every effort to get back into the game, knowing that any result here would help them in their final match against the Danes. Ultimately, they were let down by poor finishing and inadequate set-piece play. Still they should give the Danes a really good match and have every chance of going through.

And Virgin Media?

Big letdown again as the much vaunted V+ box seems incapable of recording more than 10 hours of HD TV. Given that a weekend’s World Cup schedule amounts to more than that, this is a fundamentally pathetic level of storage that should not be tolerated. However, you know it will because the people running Virgin Media are the same low level grunts who ran Telewest and NTL into the ground with fundamentally inadequate technology. They are the pin-up boys of the incompetent service sector. Zero out of several million.

24 Down 40 To Go


What We Learned From Japan vs Cameroon (1-0)


That Was A Knockout Match

Once again, goals change games. Once the Japanese had scored with the only halfway decent move of the first half, Cameroon had to score and that set the trend for the rest of the match. Japan had asked the question and Cameroon had none of the answers. It was quite interesting when it got to 85 minutes and you’re hoping Cameroon don’t score and they’re increasingly pressing forward. Cameroon’s failure to get into the game illustrates the drawbacks of a conservative opening attitude. Cameroon’s next match, against the Danes, who also lost today, is now a must win. Even then, they will have to get a result from the Holland match. Tempting to say Goodbye Cameroon.

Nice Try Nippon

They were fantastically unlucky in their friendly against Engerland where they not only bossed the game, but managed to score all the goals. This was Japan’s first World Cup win outside Japan, so nicely done.

Take Note Pragmatists

Those teams that are playing not to get beaten should take note here. Cameroon were the outstanding favourites for this game, but totally failed to get a result, primarily because they didn’t attempt to seize the game. They were happy to pootle around the Japanese, but came up against a well-drilled, functionally proficient side. It illustrates the need for teams to attempt to dominate the game and force a result rather than muddle along hoping things turn out alright.

10 Down 54 To Go


What We Learned From Japan vs Engerland


If You Can’t Be Good, Be Lucky

And let’s be frank, Engerland were by no means good. So not good that the vacuous tedium that was Engerland vs Mexico was rendered as a piece de resistance of footballing genius akin to Arsenal vs Barcelona or Inter vs Barcelona, which is such an insult to intelligence that frontal lobotomy begins to look like a realistic option. Fabio’s latest experimental line up seems more of a bizarre indictment of the internal wrangling within the Football Association than a legitimate, purposeful match-winning arrangement. And, being that this was the last friendly before the Wold Cup squad cut down, it was also an opportunity to view some of the less talented members of the Engerland team. So we had starts for the booking-their-places-back-home duo of Bent and Huddlestone and consolation prizes of tickets (but no appearances) for Warnock, Dawson and Parker. As a result the performance was abysmal. Admittedly there was less losing of the ball when passing, but only because it appeared that there was less attempted passing, unless you include the interminable shuffling of the ball between the back four, which was accurate only insofar as the Japanese couldn’t be bothered to chase it down. Any semblance of intelligence, tactics or understanding was entirely absent from Engerland’s play. And, once the Japanese had scored a super-soft set piece goal, Engerland’s only hope was to be staggeringly lucky. How staggeringly lucky is illustrated by achieving both our goals via deflections off Japanese defenders. Still, if we can’t be good (and it seems obvious that we have no idea how to be good) at least we’re lucky.

The Can’t Quite Be Good Enough Seven Have Nominated Themselves

It’s pretty clear (at a point just before Capello names his Can’t Quite Be Good Enough Seven) who is being dropped from the Engerland squad. Sadly they’re not being announced in a Strictly Ballroom way – with appropriately scathing criticism lashing their ears – but will be mollycoddled out as if they were the untalented children taking part in some politically correct school sports day. “Don’t worry you haven’t got a prize Darren, in our school no one gets prizes because we’re worried it might hurt your feelings”. In fact they wil go home with the bonus of a quiet chat from former Drug Cheat and now Captain of Engerland Rio ringing in their ears. He, it seems, knows what it is like to be dropped and wants to ‘help’ the Seven by reinforcing their non-selection. On second thoughts that does sound like cruel and unusual punishment.  Still it won’t come as a surprise to the Seven who will be the unplayed Parker, Dawson, Warnock, and Upson (because if you weren’t good enough to take part in the last two matches you really can’t be any good), along with the played-themselves-out-of-contention Three of Wright-Phillips, Huddlestone and Bent. The latter deserves special mention because it takes a certain degree of skill to be out-played by Emile Heskey, who only appeared as a sub for 15 minutes. At least Heskey looked like he was creating chances in the box, whereas Bent never looked threatening in the slightest.  Capello will have chosen to keep those players who look to be a genuine threat (Adam Johnson and Joe Cole), because, let’s face it, we need all the threat we can get.

Saddest Things About Engerland

OK, so it was only a set of warm-up games and unlike previous build-ups they were against well-chosen opposition, both of whom are going to the World Cup, but we’re still left with a catastrophic sense of impending doom. Not least because so many things that could have gone right didn’t.

  • Our wingers can’t beat defences – really disappointing given that Johnson, Lennon and Walcott are all fast, it seemed that none of them was able to get through a defense that wasn’t actively engaged in chasing the game. We had more joy with our full backs.
  • Rooney isn’t getting any service – our midfield and defence seem incapable of quickly recycling possession, getting the ball up to players in potentially dangerous areas of the pitch. Instead we prefer to pass the ball around the back (trading opportunity for possession) before losing it in midfield to a now-well organised and ready opponent. Rooney spent the last two games looking thoroughly isolated up front and having to chase back to even see the ball.
  • We don’t seem to have a midfield – I’m not sure where it went or how it happened, but it’s like one of those things that you don’t value until it’s no longer there. I’m not even sure we ever had a coherent midfield, but we certainly don’t now and if the return of the never-working Gerard/Lampard axis is any indication, no one has a clue how to sort this situation out.

On the plus side, we do have at least two goalies who look half decent. God knows they’re going to be busy if Engerland take this kind of form into the World Cup.