What We Learned From Algeria vs Slovenia (0-1)


The World Cup Will Be Starting Sometime Soon

Because, let’s face it, I’ve been watching TV football for what seems like months now and so far there’s been no sign of the Festival of Football everyone was talking about. Most games seem to have been played out like preparatory training matches, with no emphasis whatsoever on attempting to dominate or, god forbid, actually win matches. And we’ve seen some teams that really should have been stifled at birth (yes that will be Greece, Algeria, Slovenia, France, Mexico and South Africa to name but a few) and almost none wbo will make any kind of impact when the Real World Cup starts sometime soon (that will be Argentina then). So far the only genuinely decisive, game changing moment has been the defence splitting pass setting up Tshabalala’s outstanding net-cracking goal in the first match, with Donkey Heskey’s round the corner layoff to Gerrard being the only other contender (although UK broadcaster ITV did manage to cut to an advert so as to avoid any semblance of real football being observed by the TV audience back home).  At some point real football is bound to break out.

Is Qualification So Different From The Real Thing?

One problem may be that the core tactics needed to qualify may actually be counterproductive once teams get to the World Cup itself, in much the same way that winning the Championship (and being promoted to the Premiership) requires a completely different (some would say mutually exclusive) tactical style to actually being in the Premiership. To qualify, you need to cane the minnows and not lose to the bigger boys. That way, at least, you will scrape into a one on one last gasp ‘limp into the finals’ qualifier. The seeding system rewards conservative play, pitting potential game winners against clod-hopping ‘kick yr shins out’ defenders where skill is valued less than body weight. Once you get to the Finals, however, defences are so well marshalled that you need genuinely skillful players to unlock them, the same players who are a luxury during qualification. You can’t simply ponce about playing loads of flat back passing hoping that you’ll be able to spot the defensive keyhole you need to slot the ball through to win (and then being able to slot the ball home). This effectively means that the very players you need to win World Cup matches (and the ones we want to see) are the ones who are too expensive to risk during the qualifiers.

No Sign Of Revolutionary Tactical Evolution

So far, so Mourinho. A collapsible double bank of four defenders set up just in front of the penalty area, with the now-obligatory defensive midfielder sandwiched in between them seems to be the set up everyone is playing.  Admittedly there are a number of options and changes that happen when the team gains possession and moves forward (very, very slowly), but the gentlemanly technique of allowing the opposition to get set up before beginning your attack in earnest is something that needs to be addressed. At some point someone is going to have to come up with an effective counter to this stalemate.

Sorry, Was There A Match On?

I recently watched Get Shorty again (which is a far better use of 90 minutes than any of the matches I’ve seen so far). In it a drug dealing kingpin threatens to have his minions staple someone’s tongue to their forehead. Watching another match this fucking garbacious would require them to staple my eyelids open and then force me to face in the correct direction. This was Sepp Blatter’s worst nightmare, two teams the world could give a shit about playing sub-low league football in front of a stadium so empty they couldn’t even give the tickets away. So much for the ‘Festival of Football’ and FIFA’s pathetic attempts to pretend that they care about the average South African fan or indeed the average TV watching fan.

But Didn’t Some Guy Get Sent Off and Didn’t The Goalie ‘Green’ It Into His Own Net?

Yes, some guy was sent off (and wasn’t he the lucky one?). And, yes, the Algerian goalie did seem to ‘Green’ it into his own net, albeit with a bit more televisual flair. But that doesn’t excuse the rest of the game.

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