Best Buys Or Bargain Binners

So. Now we’re into the serious side of the season it’s time to see who’s done well and who’s done badly in the Spring spending splurge. Unlike many previous top quality January purchases (Vidic, Evra, Wallchart, Eboue to name just four) very few of this year’s buys have been bought with anything other than immediate impact in mind. You could argue that Chelski’s purchase of both Torres and Luiz are part of a larger, long term team building strategy, but it’s clear that Torres has been bought now to try to land this year’s Big Cup, halt the Blues’ poor run of form and secure a top four finish.

By far the best buys for immediate impact appear to be Dirty Suarez, who has injected much needed quality and enthusiasm to Liverpool, and Sideshow Bob Luiz, whose two goals have gained Chelski two vital wins.  Both have energised their clubs, providing the same kind of driving spur that Leetle Carlito does for Man City. And they’re the sort of players that any Prem team would like to have in their squads.

Proving rather effective are Demba Ba, who’s already bashed in four goals and helped West Ham move out of the bottom three, and fellow hammer Wayne Bridge, who was given a spectacularly bad time in his first game against Arsenal but who has improved steadily since then, while loanwise, the appearance of Carlos Vela at West Brom and Jamie O’Hara at Wolves look like helping to make the relegation dogfight even more cutthroat.

Proving less effective, or looking like a ‘long term buy’ are the likes of Andy Carroll, who’s been injured and will need effective supporting players to really bring out his talents at Liverpool, Robbie Keane, who hasn’t really had much of a run at West Ham and who looks well past his sell-by date, Makoun at Villa and Sessegnon at Sunderland look promising, but will take time to adjust. And the jury’s out on Darren Bent, the one-time most expensive British player, whose early good form for Villa seems to have dried up.

And The Games

Champions or Chumpions? Man U did what good teams at home do, pull a late, late winner out of the bag against Bolton, who are pretty spectacularly poor on the road. Meanwhile Arsenal managed to pull a late draw out of the bag away to West Brom, who are fast becoming the Gunners’ latest bogey side.

Arsenal never looked threatening, well at least not until the 70th minute when they were already 2 down. You sense that here is a team that feels it is done for the season. In hindsight that four goal lead they let slip at Newcastle looks to have crushed the glass slipper morale of Wenger’s ageing young side. Even with Fabregas, Wallchart, Szceszny, Djourou, Vermaelen, and Song all propping up the injury table, Arsenal’s highly paid second stringers should have enough skill to be at least vaguely threatening in the first 70 minutes. Or maybe they just took time to wake up given it was the first time they hadn’t played a midweek game since December. Craptabulous. Apparently Wenger is very pleased with the team’s ‘mental toughness’ in coming back from being two goals down. Or maybe he’s just being unusually polite and inside he’s incensed it took his team over an hour to get their act together and actually start playing. Almunia must really hate playing West Brom after his abysmal display against them at the Emirates (another Rob Green Save of the Day winning performance). That’s a stunning four points lost by Almunia alone. In two games. And yet there’s every indication he’ll be starting again for Arsenal after the international week

Chelski put pressure on the other top four teams by smoothly dispatching a Man City team who looked every bit as keen to defend as they were when they came to Arsenal over Christmas. Unlike Arsenal, Chelski had the skills to blow through the solid City defence. Once Sideshow Bob scored their first, the game was up. Without Tevez City looked unable to threaten, let alone score. Ramieres’ excellent second, a mazy run through the City defences, showed both Chelski’s emerging confidence and the improvement Ramieres has made over the course of the season and reiterates the need for new players to be given time to settle in.  Luiz, who seems to have adapted to the Prem faster than one of those baby impalas who can sprint at 40mph seconds after being born, is the exception. Most players take upwards of a season to truly adapt to the demands of the rectangular ringed circus. More realistic is the consistent improvement over the season of Ramieres, Tottenham’s Sandro, who is growing into a genuinely capable central midfielder , Smalling at Man U, who is coming to terms with being Rio’s replacement, or even much maligned Koscielny, who like Vidic, took about half a season to settle down before spunking the Not-So-Usless Cup (although if I recall Vidic escaped punishment and went on to get a winners medal).

All of which made Tottingham‘s draw against West Ham a far better result for the East Londoners. Admittedly Rob Green was unusually excellent in goal, but so was the midfield of Parker, Noble and Hitzlesperger. No one can miss their chances like Carlton Cole, especially when he has time to think. Not even Offside Trap Defoe, although it wasn’t for lack of trying (and missing) on Jermaine’s part. And there’s no foul on the edge of the area Upson isn’t capable of giving away. But on the day, it was Spurs’ failure in front of goal that really counted.

Liverpool Redsox, who looked down and out only a few weeks ago, secured another low grade win, this time over poor as poor Sunderland. Dirty Suarez is so much better than his teammates, it looks like they’ll all have to be replaced in the summer. Seriously some of them must be embarrassed to be in the same team as him, especially the real low graders like Joe Cole or Poulsen. It’s clear that he’s the difference between a points winning performance and the sort of turgid Europa Cup exit side the rest of them appear to play for. Sunderland are probably just about safe enough for the season, but that’s about it, they’re defending badly, have no significant midfield and can’t get the best out of Gyan. If they don’t buy Welbeck in the summer they’re going to start going backwards. Cattermole. Booked. That Mr Anderson is the sound of inevitability.

Also seemingly going backwards fast are Villa, whose young team seem to have lost their legs. They’re in a classic ‘development’ season, they can’t shed Martin O’Neill’s deadwood players fast enough and have a totally unbalanced camp many of whom appear to actively loathe their current manager. So playing a mentally fired up Wolves wasn’t the easiest of games. Still despite Wolves’ great work, Villa were a crossbar away from securing a draw. What they really need, aside from points, is resolve and confidence.

Stoke suddenly woke up and scored a goal from open play, as if they had suddenly realised that football wasn’t just about hideous hoofery, squalid set pieces and maliciously timed bullyboy challenges. It was their first goal from open play since January, which tells you something about their ghastly style. At this rate they’ll be due another one before the end of the season. Sadly, they appear to have secured enough points to safeguard themselves from relegation too. Newcastle, meanwhile, are playing as if their season is already over, which is sailing a little too close to the wind. That said, another win at some point should secure their Prem position, which is what they started out wanting at the beginning of the season.

Birmingham‘s long streak of good play lasted all of three games. Fortunately for them they were the Not-So-Useless Cup semi finals and final. So they get to hold a trophy after a gajillion years. Unfortunately for them they’ve hit a major slump since and are now in the bottom three. Considering their game in hand is against Chelsea, I wouldn’t be too confident that they’ll secure much from the match. So there’s every chance, given they lost to a very average Wigan side, that they could be in Europe, out of the Prem and on their way to major financial meltdown come early September. Cup runs ain’t what they used to be.

Finally, Blackpool don’t do things easily. Although for a time it appeared simple enough. Two up against Real Blackburn, they were outstanding in the first half, only to completely fall apart in the second. If they do manage to stay up they’ll thank their lucky stars that they first signed Charlie Adam and second refused to let him go in January. For them staying up is worth any transfer fee they could have got. Blackburn still look like a very average side of journeymen, which might, just might be enough this season.

Rob Green Save Of The Day

Any other week it would have been Newcastle keeper Steve Harper’s failed dance of death around Kenwynne Jones, which only served to give Jones the ball and set up Stoke for their second. Or maybe Jaaskelainen’s series of spooned saves which encouraged Man U to a) continue to shoot from distance and b) chase in for the inevitable spills/spoils to win the game. But this week we had another spectacular implosion from the self-styled best football playing side in the Prem as Arsenal’s third? fourth? ranked keeper Almunia decided to go not so much on a walkabout as take the full fat eight days for the price of seven, buy one get one free safari around West Brom’s halfway line before bumping into the hapless Squillaci, and allowing the onrushing Odemwinge to meet the hoof n hope special that had been launched in desperation and slide the ball into the net in one of those 30 yard slo-mo nightmares that only heightens the joy for the celebrating fans when it finally crawls in over the line. What is it about Arsenal’s defensive coaching? Do they teach them how to do this insane running out of goal into your central defender only for both of you to bottle actually playing the ball? Any real keeper would have gone ‘fuck you defender, I’m hoofing this’ and taken out their own man if necessary. Do they simply not bother to train these guys in communication? Or is it all down to Arsenal’s world renowned mental toughness? Because this isn’t an isolated incident, nor is Almunia the only Arsenal keeper to have demonstrated this spectacular tactical stupidity this season. Still having gifted West Brom four points this season thanks to his blunders, Almunia can at least bask in the grateful thanks of the kids from the Midlands.