Archive for May, 2011

Palace Tweets 2011-05-08


  • Message to Liberals – it's a lot harder being in government than simply bullshitting about it. Clegg takes a hit as AV strategy implodes #
  • Friday football. Massive. #
  • Meanwhile no future photos of Sepp Blatter will be released to avoid offending anyone. "Showing that face could be inflammatory" #Football #
  • Obama says no to goal line technology. Apparently "It's a national security risk". #football #
  • Is this Gibson's best ever game for Man U? #championsleague #
  • Poor Sony – to lose 77m people's data bad. To lose another 25m people's data smacks of carelessness. #fail on an epic level #

Archive for May, 2011

What We Learned From Prem Week 35


Game On! If Only For The Other Guy

No sooner do you admit total defeat and condemn yourself to depression and spleen, than suddenly, miraculously things turn around. Having written their opponents’ team talks for the best part of two months – “They’re weak, they’re mentally frail, they’re useless in defence, can’t handle the pressure, can’t keep a lead, don’t shoot, don’t like it up ’em” – Arsenal turn it around against the masters of the last minute pressure game, Man U. And in doing so throw the title race wide open. Although with this being Arsenal, they’re not the team best placed to take advantage of the situation. That would be noted midseason floppers Chelski. Oh the irony.

It Couldn’t Have Been Scripted Better (Or Should That Be Blatter?)

Anyone looking down on this year’s Prem from Mars or somewhere else where they don’t have people but do have an identical set of Laws of Association Football might have thought that this week’s Prem had been pre-written by those evil Sky Monkeys who are  intent on dragging out any last vestige of tension to the very end of the season in a forlorn attempt to drive up TV subscriptions.

First, a rather lacklustre Chelski were somewhat gifted a win over a Tottingham side which had somehow sacrificed all of their former attack-minded joi de vivre in favour of a Mourinho-esque defensive ethos. Goalkeeping Howler in Chief Gomes managed to not only ‘Green’ Frank Lumpy’s shot under his entire body, but watched it crawl over the line so slowly that he was able to get a hand to it and stop it before it went in. Still  a goal was given and that was that. Tottingham, who had scored a great goal earlier, paid for their defensive mindset by conceding a late winner (or in their case a late loser). Even if that one was offside. So, thanks to the kind of breaks that help define seasons, Chelski had completed their part in the drama by closing the gap with Man U to 3 points. All Man U had to do was lose to Arsenal to make things exciting again.

But Man U haven’t lost to Arsenal for ages and they’re playing well, are leading the Prem and are all but into the Big Cup final, while Arsenal are having a Crisis de Confidence and playing like losers, so that would never happen eh? Au contraire as Arsenal Wenger’s defence might say. Arsenal were liberated, freed from any pressure of actual achievement, you know of actually looking like they might win something, and played an irrepressible game. Man U, like Loserpool a couple of weeks ago, were pressed out of their game. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that Arsenal are able to negate two such expansive teams, while proving vulnerable to more aggressive conventional teams.  As is typical they monopolised possession, were scandalously profligate in front of goal, but this time they did actually score and, amazingly, proved able to hold their lead. And suddenly the title is, if not exactly wide open, at least a bit ajar. So a nice bit of scripting eh?

Oh and in a not entirely coincidental way Man U are at home to Chelski on Sunday. You’ve got to wonder how many times Sky will be able to shoehorn the phrases ‘Ford Sky Super Sunday’ and ‘Premiership decider’  into every sentence this week.

Man City managed to pretty much put an end to this year’s rather unexciting Race for Fourth by beating West Ham, although West Ham pretty much beat themselves these days. Yet again they blew it in the first 15 minutes, by both playing Robbie Keane and letting in two easy goals. City will be more than happy with fourth place and the consolation of Big Cup involvement next season, oh and an FA Cup will do nicely thank you very much. Neither Spurs nor Liverpool will be particularly happy with 5th and the Europa Long Haul Marathon Cup place that comes with it like a particularly heavy millstone.

West Ham’s downstairs companions Wolves could only manage a bad tempered draw with Boremingham. Both sides effectively gifted goals by defensive mistakes. Similarly, Blackpool couldn’t make any headway against Stoke. Blackpool were poor, while Stoke seem to be in a holding pattern presumably sucking it in for that inevitable defeat to Man City in the FA Cup. Wigan, meanwhile, contrived to almost defeat themselves by gifting Everton not one, but two penalties. Everton ensured it remained a draw by kindly letting Wigan save their first penalty, then pounced by scoring the second. Leaving Wigan with a single point is like damning someone with faint praise.

Sunderland really are the Charlton of today. They’ve finally scraped their way past the 40 point mark (Charlton used to regularly do this by early Feb), but now they’re strictly lame. Sure they have no strikers, but at least their strikers are all injured. Their defence doesn’t have any such excuse. Fulham came and like a nasty parent gave Fat Steve Bruce’s team a good 40 whacks.

Speaking of lame teams, what has happened to Aston Villa? Well aside from having your manager dump you 5 days before the season started (and probably by text message), having all your key players play like muppets for the best part of a season, and watching the career that was Gabby Agbonlahor’s disappear into the sunset that is. They really are poor. And Uncle Wroy’s West Brom made them pay, beating them for the first time in 17 years.

Uncle Wroy’s bete noire, the Loserpool RedSox continued their attempt to push Tottingham in the uninspiring Race for Fifth by stuffing a tired Newcastle team. If Maxi keeps on scoring they’ll start thinking he’s a football player.

And ultimate failures Real Blackburn must thank their lucky stars that Bolton are such rubbish travellers. Their win here gives them the illusion of a gap between them and the dropzone. Bolton must just wish they could play every game at home.

Rob Green Save Of The Day

No contest. This week’s prize goes to Tottingham’s Hilarious Gomes for his three part Crouch, Green, Spoon attempt to save Frank Lampard’s long range speculative effort. It was initially hilarious because it not only slipped under him, but between his legs. It was doubly hilarious that it then crawled towards the line in breathtaking slow motion and it was triply hilarious that he just about got a hand to it and saved it before it was given as a goal. That moment. That was Spurs’ season that was.


Archive for May, 2011

More Tweets From The Palace 2011-05-01


  • New track using Gorillaz samples The. Garden 2011-04-30 12.20.33.wav on #SoundCloud http://snd.sc/jADW1x #
  • If the BBC was a mutiplex all 7 screens would be showing The Royal Wedding in 3D. Everyone should be ashamed of themselves. #wittertainment #
  • Alternatively, it's a very post-modern comment on the decline of real projectionists in our cinemas today. #wittertainment #
  • That lipsynching just isn't working for me. It's like a really bad dutch porn movie from the '70s. Taxi Zum BBC eh? #wittertainment #
  • That, on the other hand was bloody class. #Messi #
  • Diving and cheating 1 – 0 quality football. That's El Classico alright. Dull as dull can be. #
  • I've just put up a set of icons for NI Komplete instruments for use in Logic. Just in case you're interested. http://bit.ly/dKtOJK #
  • A lot of tedious admin thanks to prime failures Sony and their inability to keep their systems clean. They really are useless twats. #Fail #