Archive for June 19th, 2014

WC2014 Cameroon 0 – 4 Croatia


Song goes all elbowtastic as he loses his mind and gets a red card sendoff

Song goes all elbowtastic as he loses his mind and gets a red card sendoff

Bingo Big Boy, That Was My Bonus

Poor Cameroon, they haven’t had it easy. First, they were delayed getting to Brazil due to a contretemps over win bonuses. Two losses later and the team is in trouble. Already out of the World Cup, they face a long wait for a cheap flight home on PeopleSmuggler Airways, and the very real prospect that, should they fail to win their remaining game against Brazil, the entire team will be sold off to the highest bidder in an attempt by the Cameroon FA to recoup the cost of this campaign. The prospect of a lifetime of indentured servitude (and not at £100,000 a week mind) has obviously had a seriously detrimental effect on the players, who have taken to extreme on-pitch measures to counter the threat.

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Archive for June 19th, 2014

WC2014 Spain 0 – 2 Chile


World stunned as Spain's football king announces his abdication

World stunned as Spain’s football king announces his abdication

The Reign Of Spain Ends Mainly With Great Pain

“Mes Hombres,” began the tearful announcement, “it is over.” So spoke Spain’s once and former king as behind him legions of distraught workmen began the three day clearout of Iker Casillias’ trophy cabinet. Two European Championships, one World Cup, A World Youth Championship and six years of world domination had failed to slake his thirst. Like all great men he believed he was immortal. And like all great men he was mistaken.

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Archive for June 19th, 2014

WC2014 Oztralia 2 – 3 Holland


Kapow! Tim Cahill vents a lifetime's worth of 'shortarse' anger in one massive volley

Kapow! Tim Cahill vents a lifetime’s worth of ‘shortarse’ anger in one massive volley

Bosh! ‘Ave A Bang On That

As chuckly cuddle boy Ray Winstone might put it. There are goals and there are goals. And so far this World Cup has had a good deal of them, but this one was a bit special. Like Robin van Persie’s goal of the season one from 2013, or indeed, Robin van Persie’s great goal at Arsenal the previous season, this was a crossfield ball dropped invitingly in front of a running striker, who met it on the volley and lashed it into the net with all the fury of a man who’s been told he will only ever score from headers. And while it didn’t have quite the psychological impact of van Persie’s Casillas crushing head dink of last week, it was a bloody good shot nonetheless.

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