WC2014 Cameroon 0 – 4 Croatia


Song goes all elbowtastic as he loses his mind and gets a red card sendoff

Song goes all elbowtastic as he loses his mind and gets a red card sendoff

Bingo Big Boy, That Was My Bonus

Poor Cameroon, they haven’t had it easy. First, they were delayed getting to Brazil due to a contretemps over win bonuses. Two losses later and the team is in trouble. Already out of the World Cup, they face a long wait for a cheap flight home on PeopleSmuggler Airways, and the very real prospect that, should they fail to win their remaining game against Brazil, the entire team will be sold off to the highest bidder in an attempt by the Cameroon FA to recoup the cost of this campaign. The prospect of a lifetime of indentured servitude (and not at £100,000 a week mind) has obviously had a seriously detrimental effect on the players, who have taken to extreme on-pitch measures to counter the threat.

Hack Away Boys, Hack Away

According to soccer apologists, Alex Song’s crude elbow attack on Croatia’s Mandzukic wasn’t so much an assault as a culturally significant statement reflecting the continuing indiscriminate violence that plagues Africa.  Sadly for Song, the official, probably the same Refereenho who gave Fred such a dubious penalty, wasn’t having any of it, or maybe they were having all of it and decreed that the red card they awarded in response was merely a reflection of the continuing bloodshed affecting the continent.

Whichever it was, the carnage continued as Assou-Ekoto got all heady with teammate Moukandjo towards the end of the game. Quite what that signified, aside from a catastrophic failure of communication, was uncertain. What was clear was that the risk of paying out those win bonuses is pretty negligible.

Cameroon were outdone by some simple Croatian movement. They totally ceded the midfield to Modric and Rakitic and left their wings open on either side. First Olic pounced on a nice ball played across the area, then Perisic ran down the right wing and slid home. After that, it was all Mandzukic. And the Cameroon implosion.

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